At this time of the year, we often reflect on what transpired during the previous 12 months. For me, it was truly coming to grips with mortality. My parents had passed in 1993 (within seven months of one and other) and though it was a tough period, it wasn’t nearly as tough as this year, 2009, when my eldest sibling Roger passed in March. His passing had a profound effect on me.
Many throughout this world we share encountered my brother, and those who did observed how he lived our parents admonishment – get out there and make a difference.
I’d like to share with you today, a few thoughts about my brother, from the eulogy which I gave at the reception, following my brother’s ashes being laid to rest at Arlington Cemetery on March 23, 2009.
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Good morning.
Our parents always said, if you’ve nothing positive to add, shut up and sit down. Let it be noted, I’m standing.
Today we honor my eldest brother, Roger, and celebrate his life and legacy. And yes I know we do look very much alike – my mother called us twins separated by 14 years.
I’d like to share with you some of my recollections and memories of the years I shared with my brother, and perhaps some of my memories which are really stories seen through my parents eyes. And I claim ownership of these memories, even if they may be adjusted due to faulty memories – as those of you who know me well, I’ve never let the facts stand in the way of a good story.
So in no particular order, here I go, and yes it may take a bit, I’ve 67 years to cover here:
- Mom always told me that John, David, Claire and I all had it easy ‘cause Roger paid our dues up front by being the first son’ – be it when he and Mom lived in a walk-up flat with only a hot-plate to cook on in Holyoke, MA during World War II when our Dad was serving in the Army Air Corps. or
- When he joined Mom in coaching John and David’s little league baseball team in Detroit, MI. in the late 40’s or
- When he took Mom to the hospital for the deliveries (births) of Claire and I in the 50’s.
He often shouldered and more importantly accepted added responsibilities. Roger was often credited with teaching mom how to parent and discipline us – we were told by Mom,“You didn’t get it half as bad as Roger!” I for one wasn’t eager to receive the half of Mom’s discipline that Roger took on my behalf, the half I received was sufficient.
While Dad’s love of music literally poured through Roger’s very being, I can recall with clear recollection Dad waxing poetic about Roger’s Dixieland or jazz successes. Duke Ziebert’s (Washington DC) sits in my memory for some reason and I think it was when Roger put down his trombone for the xylophone and surprised my parents who were dining at the restaurant when he appeared as the evening’s entertainer. Dad and Roger also shared Daffodil cross-pollination techniques, who would have known? But Dad’s pride did not stop there. Dad, I recall, noted how Roger had not only seen some momentous times in our country’s history, he was an active participant. What do I mean?
- In my parents home – always in a prominent spot, hung one of my father’s favorite photos of a young Roger, circa 13/14 years of age, with President Truman. Perhaps this was Dad’s way of saying the buck-stopped with Roger too? or
- Dad’s enormous pride in Roger’s service to others – it wasn’t about Roger, it was always about how he can help, be it the nation or family or friends.
Of course I have my own memories, which help explain what I mean.
- For example, when I made my first airplane ride in the early 1960’s as a 7-year old and Roger volunteered to sit with me, John and David sat together and Claire sat with Mom and Dad. It was only yesterday I realized I was the next cutest thing to a puppy and he was using me as flight-attendant bait. or
- When he would baby-sit me and I would fall asleep to the trombone serenade – which might explain these hearing aids I have. or
- When Roger drove Hubert Humphrey’s car throughout the 1968 election campaign – perhaps Roger knows more on why Humphrey lost that one. or
- When he taught me to read! That man knew his phonics. or
- When he taught me at age 19 to drive – he admonished, “Brake as if you grandmother is in the backseat and if she flies so do you.” (Those who knew Grandma Suzie know where Mom learned her discipline techniques and what “flying” means.) or
- When he gave me my very first job, he was a manager for US Maintenance in Washington DC and I earned $1.25/hour cleaning floors in DC office buildings on summer vacation (I was in the money, by golly). or
- Perhaps when he slept through a coup d’état which occurred in Ankara, Turkey in the early 1960’s – only later did we learn that he had already been in the thick of it. He had been out with his friends and was stopped on the way home – he was driving Dad’s van, also known as a “dolmus” (minibus) – the Turkish military personnel who stopped him were part of the group leading the military coup, and Roger sat under the barrel of one of their tanks, and was only released and escorted home shortly before dawn. He came home, crawled into bed and shortly after, the Turkish Air Force began “bombing and strafing runs” on the Turkish Presidential Palace a few miles away, flying by our apartment (at balcony level) and literally blowing our windows in (doors too) – following the first explosion, Mom and Dad herded us into the inner hallway, ripped the mattresses from the beds to bury us within so we wouldn’t be injured. But they couldn’t wake up Roger – he snooze through the whole affair. or
- As an airman in the US Air Force, and taking advantage of impromptu dinners/visit with Dad who was also in Danang, Vietnam. Dad was serving as advisor to the Mayor of Danang for the Agency for International Development and Roger was flying Air Force missions. Fortunately, he did not show up the night Dad’s house’s guest room was destroyed by Viet-Cong mortar fire which fell short of the intended target (the Mayor next door). or
- Visiting us in Bangkok, Thailand on his R and R, much to the disbelief of his colleagues he truly was visiting his Mom. or
- When he was posted to Vientiane, Laos, and led the US negotiations with the Pathet Lao in Vientiane which culminated in the successful safe evacuation of the entire US Embassy, to include Joanne and a baby Roger. or
- Accepting the daunting task – “Go open the US Liaison Office in Beijing.” He was the GSO – Government Services Officer – responsible for all logistics associated with the US mission. He stepped up and was part of history. During this time we saw the arrival of Susan and Mat – and lest I forget the family experiencing the “big” earthquake in Beijing from the 12th floor apartment. Now that redefines rock and roll. or
- As the Administrative Officer at the Consulate General in Leningrad, Russia (now St.Petersburg). he kept the consulate open and supplied during the height of the cold war – not an easy feat in any locale, least of all the former Soviet Union. And if you don’t think he left a mark? I followed Roger into Leningrad, arriving six months after he left the Consulate General. I was warmly greeted by both his US and Russian friends, colleagues and others whose path had crossed with Roger’s or had been influenced by him. One individual in particular was a young jazz musician and his wife – David Goloschekin and Elvira Trafova – whom wished to be my best friend, simply based on the fact I was Roger’s sibling. Word of warning! Never follow Roger in a posting – he’s the nice one and you aren’t. And the disappointment of David and Elvira when they discovered that not only was I not just like Roger, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket if you helped carry it. They just couldn’t understand how Roger, who was literally a virtuoso with the trombone, could have a sibling so inept in the music field – but that was me. Like I said, don’t follow him, it is impossible. or
- His willingness to help his littlest brother (me at 12 yoa) deliver the Washington Post (all 1,200 Sunday copies to the residents of the high rise) in the wee hours of Sunday morning, after having been up all night working as the Manager in a DC nightclub himself. or
- When in recent years my wife Kathy and I would buzz into WDC area and we’d call him up on short notice. He would gather the available members of his clan, and find time to visit, even if it meant, we were destined to deal with “Donald” (Sutherland) moments, in stereo.
You see, Roger willingly shouldered so many of responsibilities and supported so many of us in our successes – it was never about him – it was always about you. Mom was right, Roger leads the way, and he has once again.
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Thank you for your time.
All the best,
Christopher